A Playlist for Grieving

Paradise Lost

“I don’t understand why you always have to be gone. Seems like it's been forever since you’ve been gone…Please come back home…Me and the rest of the family singing-where’d you go-I miss you so.”

These lines capture a painful truth: the collision of childhood innocence with unretrievable time. Things weren't supposed to go this way. Our dreams of what could be often meet the dead-end of what is. This is the heart of grief: a paradise lost.

I knew a young kid for a brief moment in time. I learned so much about him by everyone but him. He gave me less than 5 minutes to help him and suggested he was doing well. At his funeral, this song played, chosen by his family. He had taken his own life. Though our interaction was fleeting, the song became a haunting memorial, embodying the raw knowledge of a life ended too soon. I added it to my grieving playlist.

Over time, this song has become a catalyst for confronting other losses in my life. The griefs I've carried, especially when this song plays, intertwine with the ongoing professional and personal shortcomings that contribute to a "paradise lost" for those who depend on me. If I don’t take the time to slow down, to put on my grieving playlist, to surrender and let go of the big and small losses of the week, they seem to compound as anxiety in the back of my heart. Oriented in this way, grieving actually centers the weight of who I'm meant to be. It sharpens my focus, aligning my spirit with the missions and values I am called to uphold. For as the saying goes, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone."